You’re Killing Him

Oh curse these hands! / They didn’t heal you!

I had hoped we’de be happy; / But that dream’s too far gone

Lying in a pool of blood; / This gun in my hand. / I killed you with it

Can I take back what I see? / You broke my heart and now you’re gone…

I don’t know why I did it/ You shouldn’t have pushed! / But I was wrong to seek you out

I close the door – leaving the dark to engulf you in. / oh they find me. / Little demons ripping at my heart.

You stay where you are / Don’t come alive. Don’t seek me / I’ll only tear you…apart

I still love you, but I’ve seen what I have become / I’ll change; so not to hurt / But it’s too late for us / Pack up your blood, and travel where you’ll be loved.

I won’t miss…you

It’s a lie

I often find myself writing things like this; I haven’t yet figured out why these works are called! Sometimes I have a vague idea of what I’m writing; but more often the words just flow from me and I don’t really know what I am writing. Afterward, when the flood is gone, I’ll look back over what I wrote, edit it, and then a story behind the words comes to my mind. I think that most of them are from God, as I feel I could ever write these on my own whim!

THE STORY BEHID THE WORK: The ‘writter’ is a woman, standing in a cement room with barred one window that lets blue light seep a little bit through. There is a metal door behind the woman who stands in full black leather…a pistol in her hand. At her feet is someone – a man- laying in his face, dark chrism pooling in a circle around him.

The woman comes from this story I read in Prepeairing to be A Healp Meet by Debi Pearl (link at end of post) and there was a woman who had torn her husband up and down with her words and attitudes until he decided to leave her. Long story short, he ended up finding another to love, who would treat him better.

So in my writing, the killer is a woman, who, represents a wife who has ‘killed’ her man by the words she used.

“Oh curse these hands!” She was supposed to be his helper, to comfort and, we’ll, help him and build him up. But she never used this great gift for him.

“Little demons riling at my heart.” Was originally going to be the police seeking her out; but then I decided it to be memories of what she’s done and the guilt.

“You stay where you are / don’t come alive….” She does not want her man to come back to her; she knows that though she has changed, she wants him to go some where else and be loved. By someone else who will not make the same mistakes that she did and ruin him again.

“I still love you…” Though she loves him desperately, it is the same story as above. She promises to change, but just cannot take the risk of him coming back to her again.

“Pack up your blood….” He has another that will love him; and the woman encourages him to do so. Though she will be angry at him, she just does not want to hurt the man again; let another do what she never did.

I was leaning up against shelves of folded tank tops in Walmart, pushing the shopping cart slightly back and forth with my toe; trying not to look too crazy with TEN loafs of bread, FOUR jugs of milk, SIX dozen eggs, FOUR cases of water (the pipes are full of rust from previous earthquakes.) and a thousand other items that stacked well above the cart while I waited for my Mom to come…. with the second cart. (Struggles of a large family 🙈) An old, bending man came down the isle I was in; pushing his heavy wife in her wheelchair – and a full shopping cart in the other hand! He was rushing around grabbing all the things his wife demanded for him to grab or for her to look at. I was thinking about how sweet this man was, specially as he seemed to be in more pain than his wife in the shopping cart! but I was shocked, his wife was yelling at him and constantly berating him, telling him that he never did anything right and how (litteraly) stupid and irritating he was! She was acting like SHE was better than him and he was stupid. (Often the view of men these days) He husband was being so sweet and not uttering a sing word the interest time, but just going back to the same shelve five times or more until the woman dedcided exactly what color she wanted. I really wanted to just go up to her and say, “If you spent less time trying to fix your man, and just enjoy him for who he truly is; you’ll both be so happy!” Regretfully, I let fear overcome me and I wanted them both leave. I waited for another ten minutes before mom came, in guilt at having missed such an obvious moment form God; then asked him to forgive me and somehow let that woman know the truth!!

Serksuly, nothing more needs to be said; If you STOP trying to FIX you man, and just ENJOY him for who he IS; then you’ll both me SO much more happy! Please, notice how sweet your man TRULY is ladies! It’s always irking me the way society treats men these days; they really are truly trying! Let’s not murder them with our actions and words, and use these hands that were placed in their’s that white day. 🙂

And now some of my photography of Dad (sense I’m not married lol) to express this post….

While openair preaching, Dad takes a break to pray for words

At a whole town event, doing some Christian rap to reach those crazy kids out there!

Two day preaching trip in New Orleans. Boy was that car a sweaty place to sleep in!!

A weekend preaching trip in New York

Praying in Alaska before a teaching video

Love you Dad!

Preparing to be a Help Meet: http://nogreaterjoy.org/blogs/preparingtobeahelpmeet/book/

No Greater Joy: https://nogreaterjoy.org/

New Orleans Preaching Trip: https://youtu.be/HXlMY3cXJK0

Speak Life: https://youtu.be/ZeBv9r92VQ0

Thank you for taking the time to read ya’ll!

~My Life as a Photographer

The Power Of Life

Babies scream when being torn apart, we just cannot we can to hear them. We do not open our ears up to hear their desperate plea for a chance at life.

While the world is busy deciding where the value of life stands, and where it starts, I thought i’de put in my own “two cents”.

I am the oldest in a family of ten children, and very often I look at one of my siblings and wonder what it would have been like to never know them if my parents had decided to continue with birth control or decided they didn’t want one of them.

Three months before I was conceived, my mom got pregnant with her’s and Dad’s very first baby! It wasn’t supposed to happen, as mom was on The Pill and she was taking it, not knowing she was pregnant. Several weeks into the pregnancy, mom noticed bleeding (and all that lovely stuff) and realized she was losing a baby! It really broke her and Dad, seeing what an innocent little pill had done. Grandma called Dad, saying she had a dream from God that Mom was pregnant (not knowing that she was) but that the child had gone to heaven, and had a picture of a dear and somthing to do with the name Tabitha. Long story short, after several others had dreams and such, Mom and Dad ended up naming the baby girl (as they felt, from God, that the baby was) and named her Tabitha. Three months later, they were pregnant with me! Mom continued using birth control for several more years until she felt she wasn’t supposed to anymore after coming across a Above Rubies magazine and reading an arrival miss Nancy Campbell has written about allowing the Lord to deicide your family size. She and Dad finally came to trust the Lord with their family size, after all, he is the one who truly creates the child and has our whole lives in His palm…is it too much a trust Him to guide us in how many children to bless us with and give the patience and wisdom to bring them all up?

While this might not be a drastic abortion story, it still has power in its own as my parents found the value in every life and that every child deserves the chance to come into this life and impact it in their own way.

When New York passed a bill legalizing abortion up to the full nine months; I was purely horrified!! I know that people think that the child is just a blog of flesh until a certain amount of months (it’s still a life form!) and I could understand (to a degree) them wanting to abort then, but the FULL nine months when everyone knows the child is actually a human— unspeakable, literaly MURDER!

Zephaniah David at literally NINE MONTHS, the day after he was born. This is what you are tearing apart.

Here’s some stats to prove that the child IS a child the entire time in the womb and not a blob of flesh as so many believe…usually from ignorance.

Doctors use several different methods to listen to the fetal heartbeat. About 3 weeks, one day after fertilization, when the heart first begins to beat, the sound of the little heart is too soft to hear. Very soon thereafter, they can see the motion using ultrasound technology. Although you cannot hear the heartbeat form the very first day, it is still a life form!

During week 4 of pregnancy, the ball of cells is splitting into the embryo (your future child) and placenta. Baby’s neural tube, the building block of the spine, brain, and backbone, is already formed. … And on a 4 weeks pregnant ultrasound, all of that just looks like a tiny dot, called the gestational sac.

Lung development begins early in pregnancy, but is not complete until the third trimester. Between 24-36 weeks of pregnancy, the lungs begin developing alveoli – the tiny lung sacs that fill with oxygen. Until these sacs are fully developed, a baby cannot breathe on its own outside of the womb.

Fingernail and toenail development. Before your baby’s hair starts to actually sprout, something exciting happens: Your baby’s fingernail and toenail beds begin to form at week 11, with the nails themselves starting to grow at week 12.

Second trimester. By week 21 of pregnancy, baby’s body (but not the head) will be covered in a soft, furry layer of hair called lanugo, which is different from body hair and helps to protect the skin while it develops and keep baby warm, Ouzounian says. Around week 22, eyelashes and eyebrows start to form.

Read here for: Infant who survived abortion cried while he was left to die. https://www.liveaction.org/news/mother-holds-crying-baby-abortion/ (Pictures may be disturbing to some)

You may say, “Well, it’s my body! Don’t I get a choice?!” Do we ever take into consideration about the BABIE’S body?? It is thiers as well, and if they had a choice or could speak, for sure they would be begging you not to tear them apart and give them a chance to breath!! It is your body, but conicded their child’s as well; don’t be selfish and think only if yourselves. Adoption is always an option; there will always be someone who is wanting your child if you do not. Most women who decided to carry the baby fullterm with the though of adoption, actually end up wanting to keep their child— the mirical is that wonderful. Those who abort, and are not extremists, go through depression, sickness, guilt; check themselves into rehab— they know that they have murdered a child and it grieves them. I do not with for those feelings to fall apon anoyone.

Last year, our family went on a retreat for a week and as our cat is outdoor, we were able to leave enough food and water for her and not worry. However, when we came back, we discovered that Ashly was looking a little round! Ashly was only six months old, so hadn’t got her ‘fixed’ yet. Well, I suppose kittens at even that age can get pregnant! When she had the kittens, we were so smitten and that’s all we did for the months that we had them; before we had to sell them (too good homes!) before moving. No one would ever think to “get rid of” the kittens, not matter how unexpected this was and even though we did not know if we could afford all the vet bills and feeding. That thought of abortion, if there was such a thing, would have ever gone through anyone’s head. Now I know that a kitten is much much less than an actually baby, but I’m hoping you can see my point here.

See how utterly adorable these kittens are??

If  125,000 people were murdered every day, wouldn’t the whole world be in an uproar?! No matter if those poeple were to be toddlers, those with disabilities, elderly with just a few hours to live; we would be protesting! Yet,According to WHO, every year in the world there are an estimated 40-50 million abortions. This corresponds to approximately 125,000 abortions per day. And we do nothing about it. How can our world promote, and allow, such a great injustice?? Hitler murdered 6 million Jews is six years, yet we kill 40-50 million people in ONE YEAR!! Thought Hitler’s genocide was the most awful? Consider the genoiced that is still happening today!

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice” -Proverbs 31:8-9

Little Zepheniah was born four months ago (where did the time go?!) and I am so so thankful that God opened my parent’s eyes and they truly realized the value of human life. Ever human deserves a chance at life. It is their God-Give right that we have no right to take from them. They are humans. Let’s speak out for them; let’s fight for them!

You may not look at all these pictures of Zephaniah, but please, DO look at the lives around you and learn to values them, whether unborn or born.

For more stories of abortions that failed and other stories; go to these links below… Viewer discretion is advised.

My abortion failed and I had to give birth to a live, crying baby who died an hour later in my arms—https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/7353896/my-abortion-failed-and-i-had-to-give-birth-to-a-live-crying-baby-who-died-an-hour-later-in-my-arms/

Infant Who Survived an Abortion at 35 Weeks–Saved by Nurse Who Heard Baby Crying Inside Plastic Bag—https://savethestorks.com/2017/08/infant-survived-abortion-35-weeks-saved-nurse-heard-baby-crying-inside-plastic-bag/

She was alive and crying!’: Abortion nurse quits after baby born alive, left to die—https://www.lifesitenews.com/pulse/she-was-alive-and-crying-abortion-nurse-quits-after-baby-born-alive-left-to

Disabled baby born alive after abortion dies in mother’s arms—https://www.spuc.org.uk/news/news-stories/2018/september/aborted-baby-born-alive-dies-in-mothers-arms

The Silent Scream—https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Silent_Scream

https://www.google.com/search?q=the+silent+scream+movie&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari