You’re Killing Him

Oh curse these hands! / They didn’t heal you!

I had hoped we’de be happy; / But that dream’s too far gone

Lying in a pool of blood; / This gun in my hand. / I killed you with it

Can I take back what I see? / You broke my heart and now you’re gone…

I don’t know why I did it/ You shouldn’t have pushed! / But I was wrong to seek you out

I close the door – leaving the dark to engulf you in. / oh they find me. / Little demons ripping at my heart.

You stay where you are / Don’t come alive. Don’t seek me / I’ll only tear you…apart

I still love you, but I’ve seen what I have become / I’ll change; so not to hurt / But it’s too late for us / Pack up your blood, and travel where you’ll be loved.

I won’t miss…you

It’s a lie

I often find myself writing things like this; I haven’t yet figured out why these works are called! Sometimes I have a vague idea of what I’m writing; but more often the words just flow from me and I don’t really know what I am writing. Afterward, when the flood is gone, I’ll look back over what I wrote, edit it, and then a story behind the words comes to my mind. I think that most of them are from God, as I feel I could ever write these on my own whim!

THE STORY BEHID THE WORK: The ‘writter’ is a woman, standing in a cement room with barred one window that lets blue light seep a little bit through. There is a metal door behind the woman who stands in full black leather…a pistol in her hand. At her feet is someone – a man- laying in his face, dark chrism pooling in a circle around him.

The woman comes from this story I read in Prepeairing to be A Healp Meet by Debi Pearl (link at end of post) and there was a woman who had torn her husband up and down with her words and attitudes until he decided to leave her. Long story short, he ended up finding another to love, who would treat him better.

So in my writing, the killer is a woman, who, represents a wife who has ‘killed’ her man by the words she used.

“Oh curse these hands!” She was supposed to be his helper, to comfort and, we’ll, help him and build him up. But she never used this great gift for him.

“Little demons riling at my heart.” Was originally going to be the police seeking her out; but then I decided it to be memories of what she’s done and the guilt.

“You stay where you are / don’t come alive….” She does not want her man to come back to her; she knows that though she has changed, she wants him to go some where else and be loved. By someone else who will not make the same mistakes that she did and ruin him again.

“I still love you…” Though she loves him desperately, it is the same story as above. She promises to change, but just cannot take the risk of him coming back to her again.

“Pack up your blood….” He has another that will love him; and the woman encourages him to do so. Though she will be angry at him, she just does not want to hurt the man again; let another do what she never did.

I was leaning up against shelves of folded tank tops in Walmart, pushing the shopping cart slightly back and forth with my toe; trying not to look too crazy with TEN loafs of bread, FOUR jugs of milk, SIX dozen eggs, FOUR cases of water (the pipes are full of rust from previous earthquakes.) and a thousand other items that stacked well above the cart while I waited for my Mom to come…. with the second cart. (Struggles of a large family 🙈) An old, bending man came down the isle I was in; pushing his heavy wife in her wheelchair – and a full shopping cart in the other hand! He was rushing around grabbing all the things his wife demanded for him to grab or for her to look at. I was thinking about how sweet this man was, specially as he seemed to be in more pain than his wife in the shopping cart! but I was shocked, his wife was yelling at him and constantly berating him, telling him that he never did anything right and how (litteraly) stupid and irritating he was! She was acting like SHE was better than him and he was stupid. (Often the view of men these days) He husband was being so sweet and not uttering a sing word the interest time, but just going back to the same shelve five times or more until the woman dedcided exactly what color she wanted. I really wanted to just go up to her and say, “If you spent less time trying to fix your man, and just enjoy him for who he truly is; you’ll both be so happy!” Regretfully, I let fear overcome me and I wanted them both leave. I waited for another ten minutes before mom came, in guilt at having missed such an obvious moment form God; then asked him to forgive me and somehow let that woman know the truth!!

Serksuly, nothing more needs to be said; If you STOP trying to FIX you man, and just ENJOY him for who he IS; then you’ll both me SO much more happy! Please, notice how sweet your man TRULY is ladies! It’s always irking me the way society treats men these days; they really are truly trying! Let’s not murder them with our actions and words, and use these hands that were placed in their’s that white day. 🙂

And now some of my photography of Dad (sense I’m not married lol) to express this post….

While openair preaching, Dad takes a break to pray for words

At a whole town event, doing some Christian rap to reach those crazy kids out there!

Two day preaching trip in New Orleans. Boy was that car a sweaty place to sleep in!!

A weekend preaching trip in New York

Praying in Alaska before a teaching video

Love you Dad!

Preparing to be a Help Meet: http://nogreaterjoy.org/blogs/preparingtobeahelpmeet/book/

No Greater Joy: https://nogreaterjoy.org/

New Orleans Preaching Trip: https://youtu.be/HXlMY3cXJK0

Speak Life: https://youtu.be/ZeBv9r92VQ0

Thank you for taking the time to read ya’ll!

~My Life as a Photographer

Capturing the Mountains of Alaska

Something we know Alaska for besides its cold and snow, is its mountains.

Where ever you go, the mountains follow. They tower above, making you feel small in such a breath-taking world. Throught the seasons, the mountains change colors— In Winter, they are blue and sparkeling white, reflecting the ever changing colors of the Northers sky. In Spring, green begins to, well, spring! Through the months of Spring, green slowly starts creeping along the mountains as our rivers fill and flood with the me,ting snow and glaciers. In Summer, flowers sprout up, each in their own season. (as well as the insects!) In fall, you will go to bed one night, and awake the nesting morning to find the mountains suddenly yellow. Throught fall, the mountains change into fiery shades of yellows, oranges, and reds. I truly thing they are at their best in the fall months. The maintains reflect onto the lakes and somehow found their way into my lens as well!

This ever flowing, ever changing, river is right across the highway from us, so we go down often. During the winter, it is eather flowing with ice chunks as in this picture, or frozen in small places so that my siblings and I can skate on it. Our two chocolate labs, Mocha and Hazel (shown here) will still swim-even if the water is -20! Their fur gets full of icicles and thier whiskers freeze. 😀
You can see one of the famous glaciers of Alaska here.
One of my favorite things to snap is the people walking in front of me-often in front of mountains.
Sometimes, a picture without makeup or airbrush, is the best beauty.
Here, the mountains are reflecting a pink sunset.
The mountains in transition between fall and winter, bust still warm enough to wear shorts!
The mountains during the summer/fall transition.
Yes, she wore this outfit quite often! 😀
As everyone knows, photographing animals is very hard to do! The best I ever get, is our dogs licking 😀 Still, it’s sweet.
The grass was still green when the mountains were turning white.
My sisters and I actually did this pose in our room, decided it looked so good, that we wanted a better background. This was around Thanksgiving. (American)
My view everyday.
Ah, I miss the green of plants! Spring, fall and winter all in one here!
Mountains make good backgrounds for cute sibling photos! >3

I could post tons and tons of mountain photos, as a lot of my backdrops are the mountains. Alaska is surrounded by mountains, and, in my opinion, it’s best beauty.